Hi,
So, i’m sitting on my sofa. In my apartment. All alone. When it dawns on me…the last year or so has really been a ‘get to know myself’ year.
I mean i’ve always understood what kind of person I am in regards to certain things. For instance, I know that i’m a clean-freak who can’t function if everything isn’t where it’s supposed to be (which is why living alone has its perks) but i didn’t really understand myself on a deeper level. This year however, I had a few life lessons all of which have made me more insightful into character traits and habits, i didn’t really know i had. So, without further ado, here are 5 things i’ve learnt about myself over the past year.
- Enjoying my own company
I didn’t really know just how much i feared my own company until i moved away from home. Being alone with my thoughts, away from my family who are essentially my comfort blanket, was very difficult and i didn’t really disclose that with anyone…until now. My anxiety was through the roof and i wasn’t communicating that with anyone which made it even worse but as soon as i admitted to myself how i was feeling, it slowly became easier to adjust to my new living arrangements. Now? This time around I was so excited to arrange my apartment with all the things that represent me and I love it. Living alone gives me time to enjoy my own company and find out how to make my environment safe and comfortable.
2. Am i being too prideful?
Guys. I can confess that yes, I am guilty of being too prideful at times. If i feel that my energy isn’t being reciprocated or that I am imposing on someone, I won’t bother messaging them or contacting them until they contact me. Yes, this can be immature (i’m still learning, guys!) but that’s a trait that I have, doesn’t mean it’s good or amazing but I’d rather stop talking or communicating with said person than spend forever and a day worrying about why we aren’t talking anymore. TRUST ME when I say I will try, try and try again before I decide to cut someone off.
3. I’m incredibly family-oriented
As the oldest child, I remember constantly locking myself in my room to get away from my younger siblings or wishing that I could grow up (yikes!) and move out into my own private space. I never imagined that we’d be as close as we are now but honestly I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love my siblings but more importantly, I love spending time with them. I enjoy learning about their dreams and goals and supporting them as they navigate through the hardships of life and smiling alongside them as they soak in their accomplishments. Having a healthy relationship with my siblings is something I hold dear to me and I can happily admit that my siblings are like my best friends and my confidants. Ok, I need to wrap this up before I facetime them crying for the next six hours.
4. I’m actually pretty ok with my looks/body
Yes. I know that not everybody feels confident 100% of the time but I can admit that I don’t have any serious issues with the way I look. I know my flaws and my hang-ups but I also love them. They are a part of me and if there’s something I want to change like being more toned and defined, I know that it is possible to do that but I will also love the body I began with. My looks haven’t always been something I’ve loved, trust me, it’s been a process but I am content with my face. It’s the way Allah made me and as we know, He makes no mistakes.
5. I have creativity block sometimes and that’s fine
I am my worst critic, there’s no denying that but over the last few months i’ve realised that life isn’t a race. Yes, there are people succeeding everywhere you look and yes it is extremely important to drive yourself to do what you love to do but it is also important to take a step back, reflect and ensure that the work you’re bringing out is authentic and not rushed just to meet a time frame. It’s ok to be inspired but don’t let someone else’s accomplishments make you feel shitty because you don’t have as much. I’ll say it again, life is not a race. I know what I want to do and i’ll put my all into doing it but I will not be discouraged because i’m 23 and I don’t have my own documentary programme or that I don’t have x amount of followers on social media. I’m happy writing my blog posts at 10pm, watching youtube vids and surfing the internet for funny gifs to insert. I do want to stress that it’s important to work towards your goal and not just sit around waiting for life to take you there, but do it on your own terms and not with somebody else’s life as your end target.
Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and it’s given you a little bit of insight into the kind of person I am. I do find blog posts quite impersonal and I have been thinking about making a youtube channel but i don’t know quite yet. It’s definitely something for me to think about.
Until next time,
Luela
LIFE OF LUELA 
Leave a comment